A month after Jerrod Carmichael used the Golden Globes stage to mock Tom Cruise for his involvement with the Church of Scientology, Judd Apatow received a few similar jabs while hosting the Directors Guild of America Awards.
The jokes started with the ‘Top Gun’ star’s size topic: “The special effects in ‘Maverick’ were so great I couldn’t even see the pile of phone books Tom Cruise had been on. seated to reach the flight controls.”
“Remember when Tom Cruise jumped up and down on the couch and we all thought, ‘How crazy! “And now he’s riding a motorcycle off a cliff and BASE jumping and we’re all like, ‘Tom is fine!'”
“Tom is not well. Someone has to explain something called CGI to him. You are 60 years old. Calm down,” Apatow continued. “But every time he does one of these new stunts, it looks like to an advertisement for Scientology. I mean, is that in Dianetics? Because there is nothing about jumping off a cliff in the Torah.
But Apatow wasn’t done roasting Cruise. Then it moved on to poking fun at the actor’s family life and his views on mental health.
“The only thing he seems afraid of is co-parenting and antidepressants,” he said. “I doubled my Prozac today just for that. I doubled it! Do you think if Tom Cruise was on antidepressants, he’d be like, ‘I’m not fucking jumping off a cliff. I’m rich!’ ‘”
“Top Gun: Maverick” director Joseph Kosinski didn’t seem amused by Apatow’s jokes.
Cruise wasn’t Apatow’s only target. At the start of his speech, he challenged the DGA: “People are complaining this year that the five best candidates for directing are men. But this is not true. One of the nominees is two men.
He was referring to Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, who co-directed the A24 comedy “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” He went on to poke fun at the duo’s film – and the snub of ‘Avatar: The Way of the Water’ – saying, “It must be hard for James Cameron to have made yet another of the most ground-breaking films on the technical shot of all time and then losing a DGA nomination to two guys who made a movie with a dildo shot.
“Avatar” and “Elvis” have received a lot of praise this season. Which is unexpected because they were loved by people and made money,” Apatow added, before prompting gasps from the audience by saying, “I actually watched ‘Elvis’ the same way. way he died: asleep and in the toilet.
Of the film’s star, Apatow said, “Austin Butler always talks like Elvis. Not a bad person to be stuck talking like. Unfortunately his next project is ‘The Story of Jerry Lewis.’
Turning the punchlines against himself, Apatow said, “There are 500 scripted series, so I took off all year and watched every episode of all 500 shows just so I could vote accurately and responsibly. I didn’t have time to direct. I lost my health insurance. Which worries me, because I have pain in my right testicle. I’m not kidding, and I wonder if anyone has a boyfriend.
“Steven Spielberg has made a deeply personal film, which shows you just how much you can accomplish once you start smoking weed with Seth Rogen,” Apatow joked of “The Fabelmans” director. And of his frequent collaborator’s star turn, he added, “Spielberg stole Seth Rogen from me, and I’m not okay with that.” I’m gonna make a fucking movie with ET!
Apatow also joked about how Todd Field’s “Tár” came 16 years after his last film, 2006’s “Little Children.”
“Even Terrence Malick is like, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ That’s way too long. How do you keep your health insurance? he said. ‘Here’s how long it’s been: My daughter went to preschool with Todd’s daughter. Our kids were four when her last movie came out and since then my daughter has had three divorces.
Apatow closed his monologue with a little more self-deprecation, this time about the low ratings of his 2022 Netflix movie “The Bubble.”
“Do you know what it’s like to work hard and then go see the Top 10 on Netflix, and you’re behind ‘Is It Cake?'” he said. “And then you watch ‘Is It Cake?’ and you realize that you like it better than your movie?”